Shyness is obviously related to awkwardness, but is it the same thing? There's a lot that I don't know about shyness. It feels to me like it's essentially universal, that everyone must have feelings of shyness, even if they don't seem shy to me. But is that right, or are there structures in society and culture, or in the brain, that make it a phenomenon of specific people, times, or places? Have there always been shy people - were there shy cavemen? Is there something about our modern, liberal constructions of identity and society that establish the conditions for shyness - or perhaps something older, to do with our notions of family, love, community, and outsiders?
What does shyness mean now, for the people who 'suffer' from it, and for other people? Is the world deprived of creative, intelligent people who are too shy to put themselves out there? Are shy people actually self-deceiving narcissists who are too vain to countenance their own imperfection? How, when, and why do people become shy? Is shyness a personal trait, or a category of experience, a quality of certain moments or relationships, but not others? What does shyness mean for love, and for understanding between people? What does it mean for happiness, fun, creativity?
For me, it seems like shyness creates a paradoxical relationship towards others. I often feel like I don't like to be with other people; but I also long to give myself up totally to someone. Again, I feel like, surely everyone feels this way? For now, here are some lines of Dostoevsky that touch me, because they remind me of this feeling:
"Oh my dear, my dear, why don't you ever ask me anything?"
"Because you won't tell, that's why I don't ask."
"I shan't tell you. I shan't, I shan't; even if you kill me, I shan't tell you,' she said quickly. 'Burn me, if you like, but I shan't tell you. And however much I've suffered, I shan't tell anything. People will never know!"
- The Possessed
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